Weaponised incompetence – What is it, how does it look and who does it affect?

By Charlotte Brogan

Weaponised incompetence refers to an individual wilfully acting as though they don’t know how to perform a task or choosing to perform it poorly. This wilful ignorance is a tactic to avoid responsibility and manipulate others to complete the task instead; otherwise, it is understood as ‘feigning incompetence’. 

Weaponised incompetence has been a recorded phenomenon since 2007 when Jared Sandberg wrote the article “The Art of Showing Pure Incompetence at an Unwanted Task,” in the Wall Street Journal. In the article he discusses how employees have developed the skill of ‘strategic incompetence’, enabling them to avoid challenging or tedious tasks at work (Sandberg,2007). Although Sandberg only explored strategic incompetence at the workplace, today it is commonly seen in the home. Over the past few years, domestic weaponised incompetence has become widely discussed online and individuals suffering from manipulative partners have come out to share their experience and its impact on them. 

It has become clear that heterosexual relationships are the most likely to experience weaponised incompetence, with the male party exhibiting incompetent traits and the female party suffering the burden of their manipulation (Psychology Today UK, 2024). The 2023 UK Gender Roles Study reported that “63% of women report doing more than their fair share of household labour, compared with 22% of men” (Allen and Stevenson,2023), as the traditional division of working and caring roles have changed drastically since the 20th century. The report discussed how the idea that “a man’s job is to earn money and a woman’s is to look after the home and family had declined by 39 % since 1987” (Allen and Stevenson, 2023). With women expected to work whilst also handling most of the domestic chores, it is clear that women are taking on more burdens than previously seen in history. 

Examples of weaponised incompetence range from mild manipulation to neglect within the household. One woman used her TikTok platform to show how she has to make a shopping list with pictures of the products and a map of the store because her husband claims he struggles to find his way around the store and always picks up the wrong brand of the product (Kiley, 2021). This example of weaponised incompetence forces the woman to sacrifice hours of her time and mental energy preparing the tools (shopping list and map) for her husband to be able to undertake the straightforward task of completing the household’s weekly shop. By the time the woman has finished preparing these tools, it is undoubtable that it would have been quicker and less demanding for her just to go out and do the shopping herself. In this way the man avoids carrying out these chores in the future as the woman takes on the burden herself, knowing she performs them with less hassle. 

More serious examples of weaponised incompetence include a woman who shared how her husband fell asleep when he was asked to watch their infant daughter while his partner took a shower (Austrew, 2023). This example shows how weaponised incompetence can extend to neglect within the household, as many others took to online platforms to share how this neglect destroys trust and forces women to step into a position as primary carers of the child, often meaning they cannot fulfil their foundational needs, such as taking a shower, due to their inability to trust their husband to keep the child safe when he is watching them. 

The consequences of weaponised incompetence extend beyond the household and even into the issue of depopulation we are currently seeing across the globe (Taylor and Mathew, 2024). As I previously stated, women are taking on the burden of household chores, being primary caregivers and juggling a 9-5 for the first time in history. With so much filling up the modern woman’s plate and their partners being little help when trying to distribute these responsibilities equitably, women have started to question whether pursuing marriage and babies is worth all the stress. 

The figure above shows a study conducted by The Financial Times that researched the economic status of men and women in 6 key areas. Women were found to be proportionally more involved in raising their families, attending full-time education, and gaining employment. Men, however, were more likely to have long-term health problems and to be unemployed. These same men were generally found to not be primary carers for their families and instead likely demand to be cared for by their partners (Burn-Murdoch, 2018). 

With shifting socio-economic priorities, social antagonism has become prevalent between the sexes. Young men are more likely to support populist right-wing parties, for example in Germany (Burn-Murdoch, 2018), whilst in Japan and South Korea more men are identifying with the incel movement and rejecting feminism (The Economist, 2024). But most importantly, with men becoming less necessary for financial support, women are choosing singlehood over marriage with incompatible socio-economic counterparts. In the long term, this disconnect of the sexes will bring with it social unrest and a greater risk of depopulation.  

Bibliography

Allen, J. and Stevenson, I. 2023. Gender Roles. 

Austrew, A. Weaponized Incompetence: What It Is and How to Know If It’s Happening in Your Relationship. Care.com Resources. [Online] Available at: www.care.com/c/what-is-weaponized-incompetence/ (Accessed 28 Sept. 2024).

Burn-Murdoch, J. 2018. Young women are starting to leave men behind. Financial Times. [Online] Available at: www.ft.com/content/17606f25-1d03-4f37-b7f4-f39989af9bde (Accessed 28 Sept. 2024).

Kiley, R. 2021. “Mediocrity Is a Gift”: TikToker’s Ridiculously Detailed Shopping List for Husband Sparks Debate over Male Incompetence. The Daily Dot. [Online] Available at: www.dailydot.com/irl/tiktok-shopping-list-incompetence/ (Accessed 28 Sept. 2024).

Sandberg, J. 2007. “The Art of Showing Pure Incompetence at an Unwanted Task.” Wall Street Journal. [Online] Available at: www.wsj.com/articles/SB117675628452071687 (Accessed 28 Sept. 2024).

Taylor, A. and Supriya, M. 2024. Global Population Growth Is Now Slowing Rapidly. Will a Falling Population Be Better for the Environment? The Conversation.[Online] Available at: theconversation.com/global-population-growth-is-now-slowing-rapidly-will-a-falling-population-be-better-for-the-environment-235781#:~:text=For%20much%20of%20Europe%2C%20North (Accessed 28 Sept. 2024).

The Economist. 2024. Meet the Incels and Anti-Feminists of Asia. The Economist. [Online] Available at: www.economist.com/asia/2024/06/27/meet-the-incels-and-anti-feminists-of-asia. (Accessed 28 Sept. 2024).

Psychology Today. Weaponized Incompetence | Psychology Today United Kingdom. Psychology Today. [Online] Available at: www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/weaponized-incompetence